Elders and Interdependency

To understand human nature, it's useful to think in terms of evolution. Why would a species need elders or have an interdependency with them? For example, what is the benefit to a species of having the females live a long time after being able to have children? Or for males to live a long time after their peak fitness levels? Fitness in nature is a tradeoff between costs and benefits. Maybe fitness isn’t just about physical fitness, but also about non-physical fitness. 

Use the power of regrets to grow.

Regret, like other emotions, can be a useful source of information to help one grow. It is defined as a feeling of sadness or disappointment over some past event. We can use regrets to grow because it can foster reflection on what not to do again and what one could do in the future. 

Distress behaviour is a signal for help

Why would anyone like me more if they think I’m stressed? I certainly don’t have big puppy dog eyes. Recent research suggests that evolutionarily, signalling distress to others would be an adaptive trait. But before we look at that, let’s understand a few aspects of human behaviour and stress. Humans and other species, when stressed, show typical behaviours. Scratching, for example (aka self-grooming). It’s referred to as displacement behaviour because of the energy it is displacing. Rats have regular stress behaviours which allow us to learn about stress and behaviour. Wringing one’s hands is another example. The sources of this “displacement” behaviour are also interesting. 

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Blame is about cause and effect

When one is in pain or discomfort, it's useful to understand what caused it. That's how we can stop the cause and get back to normal. The body has lots of processes that identify a "cause" and puts it into action to get back into our normal state. If a bee stings us, we associate the bee with the sting and learn to avoid bees. We might even learn to associate bees with flowers and learn to be extra careful around flowers. This way of thinking, this paradigm, is cause and effect thinking. It can be very useful. But families are different.