Welcome to the Thinking Systems Blog

The Thinking Systems blog presents posts that explore Bowen family systems theory through personal, scientific, and professional lenses, offering readers varied systems theory perspectives on family systems thinking. Browse the archive below to find Bowen theory articles that speak to your own questions and interests.
  • Untangling the Pattern

Triangles Everywhere: How Anxiety Recruits a Third Person

Understanding triangling and why we pull others into our relationship tension.
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Courage to Define Self

It takes courage to define a self. The emotional forces working against differentiation should not be underestimated.
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Emotions don’t take a vacation

Vacations can be fun, but then can be stressful. A systems perspective can help!
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Emotional Pain and Suffering

There is a difference between pain and suffering, and sometimes individuals create more suffering than the initial pain warrants.
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How Your Relationships Affect Your Thinking and Your Health

A Bowen family systems view of negative thinking, where it comes from, and how it relates to your health and relationships.
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The Brain on Love

Romantic love activates the brain's ancient reward and motivation systems in ways that feel intensely personal but are driven by biochemistry. This post explores what neuroscience and Bowen Theory together reveal about love, attachment, and differentiation of self.
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Pessimism is irresponsible

Is pessimism irresponsible? Anne Applebaum thinks so — and Bowen Theory's concept of differentiation of self offers a compelling explanation for why: the ability to think objectively and act on principle, even when feelings run hot, is central to responsible functioning.
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Your Family System Trajectory

Like an iceberg whose path can be altered by a small, early intervention, a family's long-term trajectory can shift significantly from small changes made early. This post explores how family systems theory explains the nonlinear nature of family patterns across generations.
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Differentiation – the key to better relationships

Popular relationship advice often focuses on communication techniques, but Bowen Theory points to something deeper: the level of differentiation of self. This post applies a family systems lens to common relationship guidance to reveal what really drives lasting change.
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What kind of help is helpful?

Our evolutionary drive to relieve others' discomfort doesn't always translate into genuinely helpful behaviour. This post examines when helping actually helps — and when it inadvertently undermines another person's ability to function for themselves.
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Gentle Parenting and Bowen Theory

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy and emotional attunement, but it can fall short when a parent is managing their own anxiety and reactivity. This post explores how Bowen Theory's concept of differentiation of self strengthens the gentle parenting approach.
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You only think you know what you want

We often project perfection onto outcomes and attach our wellbeing to things outside our control. Drawing on Bowen Theory and the wisdom of Pema Chödrön, this post explores how neutrality can ease the anxiety around our goals and plans.