Thinking Systems Blog

Observe, Evaluate, Interrupt: Being More Thoughtful in Real-Time Being a better observer is essential for becoming more differentiated, a fundamental concept of Bowen family systems theory. Differentiation of self has two parts. The first is distingu

When the Anxiety Increases: An Introduction to Polyvagal Theory Dodgeball I was never very athletic growing up. Often I came in last or second to last in school races. I was usually picked last for teams unless I made persuasive, pleading eyes at a

A Story of Stress and a Shower Curtain A few years ago I got very sick after an incredibly stressful series of weeks in my life (a common response to stress for me). After being sick for an entire weekend, my teenage daughter commented to me, “I kn

Get serious, sensible and self-ish You've had time to get going on your resolutions. Resolutions are about what I call "functioning up". For one to function up, you need to get serious, sensible, and self-ish. What do I mean by function up? Dr. Bowen

You say you want a resolution Forgive the takeoff on the Beatles song. You now have had a couple of weeks with your 2024 resolutions. How is it going? Are you changing your world? I'm going to suggest that a systems perspective could help with making

The Giving Tree revisited For those of us that celebrate Christmas, there is a tradition of giving gifts. A children's book about giving called The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein has been a popular gift over the years. But it has a mixed message abo

Radical acceptance and Bowen theory A family system perspective can make all the difference in adopting radical acceptance of a situation. For many people, the shift from an individual model perspective to a family emotional systems perspective is a

It’s hard to forgive a wrongdoing. But there is a way to approach forgiveness that can be helpful to your well-being.

Research and interventions show the benefits of forgiving for the individual doing the forgiving. This makes sense, since forgiving help to reduce negative emotions. One approach is based on a REACH model that involves completing a workbook over several hours.

Very difficult relationships can lead one to ask why bridge cutoff. Karl Pillemer discusses this in-depth in his book Fault Lines. This post borrows ideas from that book. His work is based on extensive interviews and research. In my opinion, he adds

During COVID, my wife and I, like many people, went for a daily walk in our neighbourhood. Over time, we would see the same people and say hi to them. It was a pleasant experience to have even a stranger smile and say hello. Of course, I wondered wha