Thinking Systems Blog

Emotional Connection Theory

May 14, 2024emotional contact, fusion, togetherness

Emotional Connection Theory - what is it?

Emotional Connection theory is an attempt to explain the mother infant bonding process. The authors believe that the mother infant bonding is a learned or conditional response. This learning occurs during the natural process of mother and infant interactions. The mother and newborn develop a connection by touching, looking at each other, using familiar sounds, and speaking. It is an adaptive process to have the mother and infant automatically orient and approach to each other. Based on their findings, the authors suggest that the mother and fetus develop this adaptive orientation during a full-term pregnancy. If fact, it was Dr. Welch's work related to premature infants that let to the development of this theory.

Change a preterm brain

April 24, 2024emotional contact, fusion

The Power of Emotional Connection

(Please note: This post could create powerful feelings in some individuals. The research references are listed below and will provide a more complete description of the material. They are quite easy to read and understand.)

What is good emotional contact

April 15, 2024Anxiety, differentiation, emotional system, togetherness

Dr. Bowen and Dr. Kerr have written about the value of having good emotional contact with family members. But what is "good emotional contact"? How is this different from an emotional connection? How does it relate to one's level of differentiation? Is this something a person can intentionally work at increasing the quality or amount of emotional contact with others? And importantly, what would the benefit be to oneself and others of having good emotional contact?

What’s missing in best relationship advice?

March 25, 2024Uncategorized

Relationship advice - Ideas from a systems viewpoint

We are learning more about how good relationships are important to optimal functioning and health. The research on loneliness is making this clear, for example. A recent NY Times article offering the "best" relationship advice (the link is below) is the inspiration for this post. I believe systems thinking has some important ideas to offer.

Be a better observer

March 14, 2024Uncategorized

Observe, Evaluate, Interrupt: Being More Thoughtful in Real-Time

Being a better observer is essential for becoming more differentiated, a fundamental concept of Bowen family systems theory. Differentiation of self has two parts. The first is distinguishing thoughtful thinking from automatic emotions, feelings, and reactions. The second is having a level of autonomy in relationships, holding onto something you value even when people pressure you otherwise.

Polyvagal Theory – An Introduction

February 23, 2024Uncategorized

When the Anxiety Increases: An Introduction to Polyvagal Theory

Dodgeball

I was never very athletic growing up. Often I came in last or second to last in school races. I was usually picked last for teams unless I made persuasive, pleading eyes at a team captain. People knew I was smart and so they sometimes assumed that translated to sports. It did not. Except for dodgeball. I was very good at dodgeball. The one time I was glad to be last.

Stress and the Shower Curtain

February 8, 2024Uncategorized

A Story of Stress and a Shower Curtain

A few years ago I got very sick after an incredibly stressful series of weeks in my life (a common response to stress for me). After being sick for an entire weekend, my teenage daughter commented to me, “I knew you were really sick because the shower curtain was open all weekend!” I asked, “What do you mean?!” She replied, “Mom, my room is next to the bathroom. I hear everything. You close the shower curtain every time you go into the bathroom! Even if it’s already closed, you adjust it a little more.”

Functioning UP in 2024

January 25, 2024Uncategorized

Get serious, sensible and self-ish

You've had time to get going on your resolutions. Resolutions are about what I call "functioning up". For one to function up, you need to get serious, sensible, and self-ish.

You say you want a resolution!

January 15, 2024Uncategorized

You say you want a resolution

Forgive the takeoff on the Beatles song. You now have had a couple of weeks with your 2024 resolutions.

The Giving Tree Revisited

December 25, 2023Uncategorized

The Giving Tree revisited

For those of us that celebrate Christmas, there is a tradition of giving gifts. A children's book about giving called The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein has been a popular gift over the years. But it has a mixed message about giving.