Thinking Systems Blog

What kind of help is helpful?

July 17, 2025differentiation

When is help helpful? We come to helping others naturally. Because of evolution, we are very good at picking up distress in others. For our ancestors, one group member’s distress could affect another, so helping each other increased the group's sur

ADHD and Differentiation of Self

June 19, 2025Uncategorized

ADHD and Differentiation of Self ADHD as we know it today was not recognized during the early 1960s when Dr. Bowen was finalizing Bowen Family Systems Theory. Does Bowen Theory have anything to offer for our understanding of ADHD? To start, let's do

Gentle Parenting and Bowen Theory

June 7, 2025differentiation

Gentle Parenting and Bowen Theory: How Differentiation Can Make a Difference What Is Gentle Parenting? Gentle parenting is an approach that emphasizes empathy, respect, emotional attunement, and consistent communication. Rather than punishments o

How to Vent Responsibly

May 18, 2025Define self, emotional contact, fusion

Vent responsiblity with the Differentiation Diamond

Vent Responsibly: Transforming Emotional Venting When someone says "I need to vent," what's actually happening? This common phrase signals something deeper than a simple conversation. Let's explore how one can transform venting into something product

You only think you know what you want

April 29, 2025Uncategorized

You only think you know what you want. How can neutrality help us ease anxiety around our goals, plans, and aspirations? Theory Thoughts: We only think we know what we want Story Time I was painting a picture frame a while ago. There was a small corn

The Maturity Point

April 11, 2025Define self, emotional system

The Maturity Point: That Moment You Choose to Step Up We all hit it—that moment. You’re facing something uncomfortable—maybe it's a task you’ve been putting off, a conversation you’ve been dreading, or the decision to stop scrolling and sta

Theory Thought: Hope

March 22, 2025Uncategorized

Theory Thoughts: Hope Hope springs eternal. Transitioning into a season of regeneration evokes thoughts and feelings of hope, expectation, and anxiety. “Hope and fear is a feeling with two sides. As long as there’s one, there’s always the other

Making Changes in Relationships

March 16, 2025Define self

Changing relationship patterns can be hard

When is comes to making changes in relationships, why does it take time to make a significant change and what can one do about this? News flash. I'm not perfect. My immaturities and anxiety lead to me being more reactive in relationships than I want.

Reactivity’s role in defining self

February 28, 2025Uncategorized

Theory Thoughts: Evaluating the role of reactivity in our efforts to define self How can we use our reactivity to inform thoughtful and more differentiated responses? The following is a scenario provided to me by one of my friends. The names used are

What an Emotional Systems Perspective can Reveal

February 19, 2025Uncategorized

The challenge of emotional systems How does one think "systems" and work with an individual at the same time? It's a challenge. This applies to one working on self in their family or work systems. And especially to a clinician working with a client.