Thinking Systems Blog

Don’t Fear Forgiveness

June 23, 2024Define self, forgiveness, triangles

Why is forgiveness important? Because it's good for us, whether it's forgiving someone else or yourself. But adopting a systems perspective around a wrongdoing is a big shift for anyone. The more intense the situation, the harder it can be. (Before y

Attachment theory revisited

May 23, 2024attachment, differentiation

There is a new way to think about attachment theory coming out of research on the bonding process with premature babies.

Emotional Connection Theory

May 14, 2024emotional contact, fusion, togetherness

Emotinal connection starts with Mom and baby

Emotional Connection Theory - what is it? Emotional Connection theory is an attempt to explain the mother infant bonding process. The authors believe that the mother infant bonding is a learned or conditional response. This learning occurs during the

Change a preterm brain

April 24, 2024emotional contact, fusion

The Power of Emotional Connection (Please note: This post could create powerful feelings in some individuals. The research references are listed below and will provide a more complete description of the material. They are quite easy to read and under

What is good emotional contact

April 15, 2024Anxiety, differentiation, emotional system, togetherness

Dr. Bowen and Dr. Kerr have written about the value of having good emotional contact with family members. But what is "good emotional contact"? How is this different from an emotional connection? How does it relate to one's level of differentiation?

What’s missing in best relationship advice?

March 25, 2024Uncategorized

Relationship advice - Ideas from a systems viewpoint We are learning more about how good relationships are important to optimal functioning and health. The research on loneliness is making this clear, for example. A recent NY Times article offering t

Be a better observer

March 14, 2024Uncategorized

Observe, Evaluate, Interrupt: Being More Thoughtful in Real-Time Being a better observer is essential for becoming more differentiated, a fundamental concept of Bowen family systems theory. Differentiation of self has two parts. The first is distingu

Polyvagal Theory – An Introduction

February 23, 2024Uncategorized

When the Anxiety Increases: An Introduction to Polyvagal Theory Dodgeball I was never very athletic growing up. Often I came in last or second to last in school races. I was usually picked last for teams unless I made persuasive, pleading eyes at a

Stress and the Shower Curtain

February 8, 2024Uncategorized

A Story of Stress and a Shower Curtain A few years ago I got very sick after an incredibly stressful series of weeks in my life (a common response to stress for me). After being sick for an entire weekend, my teenage daughter commented to me, “I kn

Functioning UP in 2024

January 25, 2024Uncategorized

Get serious, sensible and self-ish You've had time to get going on your resolutions. Resolutions are about what I call "functioning up". For one to function up, you need to get serious, sensible, and self-ish. What do I mean by function up? Dr. Bowen