Is pessimism irresponsible?
Some people think it is, but many do not.
When asked, “Are we doomed?” Anne Applebaum replied, “Pessimism is irresponsible.” That’s an interesting reply, and I think it connects to something Bowen Theory explains well: differentiation of self. Differentiation of self refers to your ability to think objectively and act on your principles even when your feelings are running hot. What would a family systems perspective indicate on this point?
What does differentiation of self have to do with pessimism?
An individual with a higher level of differentiation of self can think more objectively and rationally in the face of adversity. This is because their reactivity or feelings don’t overwhelm their ability to reason and think objectively. Dr. Murray Bowen observed instances of feelings overwhelming thinking in families that he worked with. He believed humans behave as if they possess three “systems” that affect their actions, and he made this a central organizing concept in his theory.
Emotion, feeling, and intellectual systems
These systems are the emotional, the feeling, and the intellectual systems. The development of these ideas occurred in the early stages of the cognitive revolution in psychology. But, his work was based on clinical experience and organized around testing hypotheses about behaviour in families. These systems are conceptual, as we now know that the brain is one very integrated system. These concepts are still useful because they reflect aspects of brain functioning. For example, thinking objectively is a type of functioning of the brain, but there is no separate or distinct “intellectual system” in the brain.
What I find useful about this framework is what it explains about how people respond to difficulty.
How the emotional system drives feelings and thinking
The important point is this: when our emotional system, which is instinctually driven by physiology (thirst, hunger, threats) gets activated enough, our feeling system kicks in. This is when and how we become consciously aware of the emotional system’s needs. For example, your blood sugar is changing all the time, but when you “feel” hungry, it’s the emotional system coming into awareness via the feeling system. Then the intellectual system can come into play, and the individual can make choices about what, how much, and when to eat something. One can take the least effort, most pleasurable approach, or a more thoughtful and healthy approach. It all depends on the principles and goals a person has.
The same process plays out when someone faces a large-scale threat. A sense of “we’re doomed” is a feeling response to a stressor, not a conclusion reached through objective thinking.
Threat response turns into pessimism
A poorly differentiated person operates on feelings. They choose what removes discomfort in the moment and look to others for help to do so. Taking responsibility for their own actions is harder. When the going gets tough, they’re more likely to see themselves as helpless. This is emotional reactivity in the face of adversity, rather than a reasoned response.
In my experience, someone with lower differentiation of self is more likely to feel that the situation is hopeless.
Have you noticed a situation where a strong feeling made it harder to think clearly about what to do?
The more differentiated person is more responsible for themselves. In any situation, they think about what can be done. It is their principles and goal orientation that guide their behaviour. They can tolerate the discomfort as they work to live by their principles and reach their goals. This does not include impinging on others or taking advantage of others.
The more differentiated person is more likely to ask, “What can I actually do here?”
What differentiation looks like in practice
What I’ve observed is that more differentiated people aren’t afraid to have tough conversations. They’re better able to manage feelings in order to think more objectively. They’re more likely to ask, “If this is what is, what am I going to do about it?”
A systems-oriented individual accepts that they have a part to play in almost any situation. They focus on what they can do and are clear about what they won’t do. They focus on actions that fulfil their principles of being responsible to others, but not for others. They recognize how interdependent they are with the planet and everyone on it, and they work to do their part regardless of what others are doing.
When feelings overwhelm thinking
What Dr. Murray Bowen observed is a common behaviour of individuals whose feelings have overwhelmed their thinking. They go helpless. They feel doomed. Their thinking gets very subjective because of the intensity of their feelings. This can happen with any level of differentiation of self given enough stress on the individual. It will happen more often, though, with individuals with lower levels of differentiation.
Differentiation of self and the choice to act despite pessimism
I notice that the feeling of “we’re doomed” can make it easier to stop trying. I don’t think that serves anyone well, including the person who feels that way.
A higher differentiation of self doesn’t make a person immune to pessimism. But it does mean they’ll still work on doing what they can instead of just giving up. They’ll remember that how they think about a problem might be part of the problem. Working hard to resolve any problem isn’t easy or fun. But it’s the only way through a bad situation. I think that’s a more responsible way to live.
What do you notice in yourself when things feel hopeless? That question might be worth sitting with.
This post was inspired by Anne Applebaum’s comment that “Pessimism is irresponsible.”
Thank you for your interest in family systems.
Comments are welcome: dave.galloway@livingsystems.ca
Learn more about Bowen Theory here.
Living Systems is a registered charity, and we provide counselling services to low-income individuals and families. You can support our work in several ways:
- Make a donation here.
- Subscribe to our podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple
