My Family, Your Story: Building Self Awareness

Living Systems is offering free 1-on-1 educational coaching sessions for adults 19+ in BC who would benefit from free access to this type of service. These three sessions use Bowen family systems theory to help you understand yourself more clearly in your family history. Sessions are provided by our Intern Counsellors and are available in person in North Vancouver or virtually, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

These are educational in nature and not suitable for those looking for counselling.

Participants will recognize patterns of reactivity and adaptation that govern their own and other family members’ lives and relationships.

To inquire, email info@livingsystems.ca

To register, click here for the Free Family Insight Coaching

The following questions may be explored in these coaching sessions:

Why do I act differently around my family?

Most people notice they feel or behave differently when they are with their family compared to other areas of their life. This is completely normal. Our family is where we first learned how to relate to others — how to handle conflict, express emotion, ask for what we need, and manage stress. Those early patterns become deeply automatic. When we return to our family environment, we can slip back into familiar roles and reactions without noticing. Understanding why this happens is one of the most valuable things a person can do for their relationships and their sense of self.

How does my childhood affect adult relationships?

The relationships we had growing up — with parents, siblings, and extended family — shape how we connect with others as adults. They influence how comfortable we are with closeness, how we handle disagreement, whether we tend to withdraw or pursue when things get hard, and how much we rely on others’ approval. These are not flaws or damage — they are learned patterns. And because they were learned, they can be understood and, over time, may be changed.

Why do my relationship patterns keep repeating?

If you find yourself in similar relationship dynamics again — with partners, friends, or colleagues — it is rooted in patterns that began in your family of origin. We tend to recreate what is familiar, even when it is not what we want. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward making different choices. This is not about blame — it is about understanding the natural forces that shape how we show up in relationships.

How does birth order affect my personality?

Research and clinical observation both suggest that where you fall in your family — oldest, youngest, middle, or only child — has a meaningful influence on how you developed. These are tendencies, not fixed rules — but understanding your sibling position can offer real insight into how you relate to others.

How can knowledge of my family of origin contribute to my personal growth?

“Family of origin” refers to the family you grew up in — the one that shaped your earliest sense of who you are and how relationships work. Family of origin issues arise when patterns, roles, or unresolved dynamics from that early environment continue to show up in your adult life. This might look like difficulty setting limits with a parent, anxiety in certain types of relationships, or a tendency to take on too much responsibility for others. Exploring your family of origin is not about revisiting the past for its own sake — it is about understanding where certain patterns began so you have more choice about how to respond going forward.

How can I stop repeating relationship patterns?

Repeating patterns from the previous generation is one of the most common and human experiences there is. The first step is awareness — noticing the pattern rather than simply living inside it. From there, the work involves understanding where the pattern came from, what purpose it served in your family system, and what a different response might look like for you. This kind of change rarely happens all at once. It is a gradual process of becoming more aware of your automatic reactions and, over time, developing more intentional ones. You do not have to become a different person — you just have to understand yourself a little more clearly.